Thawed Hands


You fill the hollow spaces with dread silence
Haughty and austere, the distance grows
And breathes its own frosted breath between
The fraying bonds that snap in frigid snows
That burdened us. Pretty whites and purity
Paint the winters of past affections. Obscurity
Was the cloak I wore. But you? Who knows.
Your pale, frosty countenance a mask demure
Before the impassioned blushes of my lust.
The volcanic gushings of our nascent love
Subsumed in glacial musings in this age
Of ice. I quake no more, my love. Just ash
Infernal encased in arctic embraces. And there
Our love remains, entombed and enshrined beneath
Palaces of ice and snow. My cloak is gone.
I stood naked and exposed to the elements, laughing,
Hysterical, delighted, unafraid, sustained by inner
Fire, and the will to love again. Timidly.
Tenderly. I invited you. Foolish. Far too much time
And frosted breaths had past. As it has now,
As I reflect, secure in new pastures,
With new blushes blossoming on my ruddy
Cheeks. Jovial again, alive. I know you graze
In new pastures of your own. I thought… I thought
Past flames of passion deserved a frosty death?!
The refinement to keep a candle vigil in memorial
Was beyond me then. But now, old lover, I remember.
And remembering the warmth we shared, despite
The cold expanse of years, will melt me down.
With the tundra behind, a horizon of temperate climes
Looms before me. I wish you well, love of old.
Thawed hands reach out, eager for new ones to hold.

Job Gap Study Write Up (Of my 2012-2014 experiences for the Alliance for a Just Society)


Shawn Levesque
Lewiston, Maine
​I graduated with a degree that I hoped would lead to work doing administrative work for non-profits. I worked as security personnel at a hospital while I pursued my degree and became disenchanted with the field after seeing the corruption and abuse that occurred by hospital administrators. Changing my career trajectory entirely, I worked as a part time librarian until I learned about opportunities to teach English as a second language, which led to me accepting a position in northern China. The job was a great experience, however I chose to return home to help my family care for my ailing father and attend to mounting debt back home, and as a consequence, I had to accept a position as a car-washer to help make ends meet.
​I watched what I thought was an opportunity for advancement in a growing local marketing firm turn into unemployment as the managerial position folded. Facing my remaining $17,000 of student debt without a job, at the age of 36, I moved back in with my mother just to have a place to live. To decrease the financial burden I imposed on my mom, I applied for and began to receive food stamp benefits while I continued to search for jobs.
​After eight months of searching for and being rejected from a wide range of jobs from marketing to working as a janitor, and subsequently recovering from time spent in psychiatric care due to the stress, I finally found work with the State of Maine with the Maine Conservation Corps, where I will work to maintain the trail ways of Maine’s state park system. While the pay is very modest, my room and food expenses will be covered as part of my pay and I do not mind living simply, and as part of my job, my outstanding student loans will enter forbearance and Maine will assist me in paying them down while I work. If I hadn’t been fortunate enough to find this job with these specific benefits, I know I would still be living with my mother to help lower costs.
​I can’t imagine what I would have done if my mom hadn’t been willing to take me back in. Bill collectors don’t stop demanding payment just because you’re down on your luck. I tried to follow the “correct” life path as best as I could, and it still took a lot of perseverance, support and luck for me to “only” be an unemployed graduate living at home for eight months. I have no idea what people who aren’t as fortunate as I am would do if placed in a similar situation. Its not possible to afford to live on your own here on the minimum wage, even without any sort of loan debt. Our safety net system needs to be improved both here in Maine and nationwide. Without my mother being willing to take me in, there is no way I would have been able to make it back onto my feet.

Time On Our Hands



“Time’s Still on my Hands”
An original poem -2014
(Inspired by thoughts on quantum entanglement and love as a reincarnating force)

The Time that’s on these hands
No soap can hope to cleanse.
Though it’s a dirty
I don’t mind being.
See, the land of milk and honey
Through me up into the void.
I flew into the Sun.
Thought myself a bird of flame.
When the world went nova
The scars of a forgotten world
Marred deep, but not enough.
Time’s incessant rivers
Drove your memory to the sea.
A wave will crash.
And the sea spray will remind me,
Dimly, as morning dreams fade,
Of the love I shared with you.
And though the shadows of existence,
Of lives been lived before,
Of lovers loved and lost and
Eternal rumination cast their
Pallor over vague images of
What I thought I knew of you;
I know.
I know with a knowing hard to tell
That we have loved before.
And the power of that!
That we should bend time and space,
Rend the multiverse and pull
With an inexorable gravity
Through the interminable ether
Of a persistent metaphysic,
Back to each other!
What the odds?
That the hourglass be shattered
And the sands cast out
Across the vast expanse of creation,
And here,
We are.
On an island of our own.
Glad cast aways buoyed by our
Mutual affections.
And that… The misery.
In the wake of cosmic victory,
We wrote our love in these sands,
On the beach of time.
The tides came in.
The tides went out.
And washed our love away.
I bowed with dashing flare,
I thanked you for your time,
I smiled and watched you fade
From the other end of yours.
Your time stream bore you hence,
And our oceans on different worlds,
And my eyes on different eyes,
But our Time’s still on my hands
No soap can hope to cleanse.

I wage the war metaphysical



I wage the war metaphysical,
A lonely general on a lonely field.
Trumpets and alarums sound across
The furrows of my brow. The deceased
Ideologies of a nascent mind are strewn
Along the lines of lethal concentrations.
Camps of thought are born, live, grow
And die in the span of my imaginations.
Emissaries of distant civilizations lobby
In the dusty halls of my consciousness.
They have the patience of the eternal moment,
And I am running out of time.
They are sipping on my sweat,
It’s a war of attrition,
They’ve infinite nutrition,
And I am running out of Soul.

The aspens are quaking


The aspens are quaking.
My hands, they are shaking.
My forehead is sweaty and wan.

The Sun’s in a haze.
The months are now days.
Moonlight is dim, and now, gone.

The forests are crying.
The oceans are dying.
The heavens are laden with tears.

A woman is weeping.
A man is out reaping.
And Hell’s overflowing with fears.

Skidding Halt



Skidding to a halt the bike

knew was coming, and did

not deign to share, the knowledge,

We learned, precognition has a price.

Doubt not least of these.

I scraped my knees, my toes

Stained the street like a rose

That only just began to bud.

All it took was a little blood,

and a slice of Pride, to sate

It’s jealousy and hate, for a boy,

Enjoying his toy.

I assumed a devil wanted me

To bleed, you see, because

I sure wasn’t blaming Santa Claus!


Crystal Perfection



“Crystal Perfection”

And so you’ve put aside your timid dread,
And ventured boldly forward, into my head.
The heart was where you thought the treasure lies,
Yet still, after the dispatching of your spies,
You carried on incessantly, this drive,
To gather the intelligence, penetrate the hive.
I smiled down from the battlements, assured,
Amused, confident and smug, inured
In my position. Secured in my assumptions,
Well armored in my Science, no disruptions
From your feeble quarter could ever hope
To cross these frozen wastes and slopes.
Didn’t you already know? I KNOW! Knowwww. knowwww…
That I care to know.
Now go…

And as the four winds howled, you… YOU!
Broke the rules, the contract – smeared!
I turned my frigid back, what did you do?!
But stain my crystal perfection with your tears,
And teach to me, in your vulnerability,
What it really means to fear.

Frozen Astral Spheres of Yesteryear

Shawn Levesque
54 minutes ago near Yalta, UkraineImage
A rider between the seams
Both a nightmare and a dream.
Though I’d love to pull the reigns
To enjoy surcease from pains,
I know this ride is long, and steep.
But time is on our side, my love.
And I know we soon shall reap
The opalescent pearls, my dove,
That we have planted, as seeds,
Scattered across the beach of time.
I stare across a vast expanse.
Desolate, dark, and cold.
The shadows of my past remain here.
And that hourglass is old.
The flaming hooves of my midnight steer
Scar the infertile turf.
Her wild, stark white orbs both peer
Across the frozen wastes.
I’ve paused…
To look back.
My spirit’s trail stares back.
The hairs rise along my neck
And the shades of yesteryear beckon
Inviting me to dance backwards. Again.
Nightmare senses my retreat,
And starts forward with a jerk,
Pulling me from my revelry, past glories
Past shames.
She’s right.
I draw tight, my cloak of dreams,
Star white, and blotched the black of night.
It’s summer somewhere. But not here.
Never here.
In frozen Astral spheres.
Riding through your yesteryear.

– Shawn Henri Levesque

The Price of Spring…


I have crashed against the bastions of the Cosmos!
I have challenged the swells of the Deep, the Dark,
The Lonely corners of creation to sink my bloody ship.
I’ve offered my eternal spirit, in supplication, as a sacrifice,
As an offering, as a door mat.
Because I have so loved the World.
Because Nature was more to me than me.
And more so, my friends, my family.
My being, my spirit, was thrown out, exposed to the elements and to all
the fiends of hell.
To Torment.
To Tease.
Because I saw the ship was sinking,
And I begged The Universe, I pleaded, I said:
“Take me down! Let my friends, my family, let every spirit go… escape
this drowning vessel.

And leave me.

If a lamb’s blood would stay the flood

Take mine, though it be mud.

The Multiverse, the Cosmos, Creation resolved,

To lead me absolved.

And I was chained to the pit.
In the cold, so very cold, alone.
Battered, bleeding, raw in the frozen wastes
Of my own mind, watching the ships
carry all I loved heavenward.
And I… left out in the cold. Loveless.
Like an infant, newly born, mewling, I wept.
In great, racking, uncontrollable sobs, I wept.
I wept to feel the weight of pains not my own.
And further, all of… creation’s.
I, it was too much, Sisyphus never knew such a stone.
I pleaded with Deity, saying”Please! Please Lord!
We are suffering and afraid. I beg of you,
Please tell me, there is no hell? Please show me, there is redemption,
For us all?
For… me?
I was broken, repeatedly, daily, for months.
This winter was a discontent
That almost, and forever, crushed the core of me.
Fallen into a place it is possible never to return.

And then, the clouds parted.
And then, the sun beams broke through.
And then, it… it… rained.
And my frozen heart…
Began to thaw.

I turned my weary head, and looked up, into the face of creation,
and with a grateful heart, smiled.
And my tears were rain.
Spring came.