I have crashed against the bastions of the Cosmos!
I have challenged the swells of the Deep, the Dark,
The Lonely corners of creation to sink my bloody ship.
I’ve offered my eternal spirit, in supplication, as a sacrifice,
As an offering, as a door mat.
Because I have so loved the World.
Because Nature was more to me than me.
And more so, my friends, my family.
My being, my spirit, was thrown out, exposed to the elements and to all
the fiends of hell.
Because I saw the ship was sinking,
And I begged The Universe, I pleaded, I said:
“Take me down! Let my friends, my family, let every spirit go… escape
this drowning vessel.
And leave me.
If a lamb’s blood would stay the flood
Take mine, though it be mud.
The Multiverse, the Cosmos, Creation resolved,
To lead me absolved.
And I was chained to the pit.
In the cold, so very cold, alone.
Battered, bleeding, raw in the frozen wastes
Of my own mind, watching the ships
carry all I loved heavenward.
And I… left out in the cold. Loveless.
Like an infant, newly born, mewling, I wept.
In great, racking, uncontrollable sobs, I wept.
I wept to feel the weight of pains not my own.
And further, all of… creation’s.
I, it was too much, Sisyphus never knew such a stone.
I pleaded with Deity, saying”Please! Please Lord!
We are suffering and afraid. I beg of you,
Please tell me, there is no hell? Please show me, there is redemption,
For us all?
I was broken, repeatedly, daily, for months.
This winter was a discontent
That almost, and forever, crushed the core of me.
Fallen into a place it is possible never to return.
And then, the clouds parted.
And then, the sun beams broke through.
And then, it… it… rained.
And my frozen heart…
Began to thaw.
I turned my weary head, and looked up, into the face of creation,
and with a grateful heart, smiled.
And my tears were rain.